HELP!

help. inspired by the tough times of the sixties. Through drug wars and mind wars.
Now it's my war.
My war against body and mind.
Friend and foe.
i'm confused.
entangled in a web of being so sick that my mind was scared to move forward.
to move to a place of happiness.
i've always had love;
for me to me with me towards others.
i want to learn to love myself.
anyday anytime.
i miss life. it's likee i get small glimpses of what REAL life is!
and then, in a black flash it disapears.
I say it's my war....
fighting the ways of my old and "supposed" new life...
we all miss being children, with no real care or wonder...
but what i really miss is being a grown up.
help.